Two days ago we celebrated Hallowe'en and in keeping with the season, I have a ghostly story to tell you. It happened many years ago, not long after we arrived in Congo, in the provincial town of Kikwit where Hardy was working on a translation of the Old Testament. I don't know what time of year it was because there are only two seasons: dry season from April to October and rainy season from November to March. It could have happened in October!
After we had company one evening, I quickly rinsed the dishes and left them on the counter for our house helper, Tata Mbukapindu Simon, to wash more thoroughly the next morning. He usually arrived quite early, so Hardy had the habit of unlocking the kitchen door when he got up, and then returning to whatever he was doing.
That morning Simon didn't come to work. When I arrived in the kitchen, there wasn't a dish on the counter. What happened to my dishes? To this day I don't know. Our neighbours said they had seen a man with a sack walk across the yard. Did he quickly sneak into the kitchen and fill it with our dinnerware? Did he know Simon was absent from his work that day? I had other dishes that I used for every day.
The ones that disappeared were special; Hardy and I had received them as a wedding gift.
The ones that disappeared were special; Hardy and I had received them as a wedding gift.
I grieved the loss for a bit, then remembered that most of the people around us ate from a common pot because they didn't have enough dishes for each family member! Why should we have two sets? Perhaps whoever stole our dishes sold them at the market and was able to buy some food for his family. I learned quickly that Congolese share what they have and taking something from someone who has more than they need is not considered stealing! The bad thing is to have more than your neighbour and not share it!
Our wedding dishes looked like the dish above.
Collecting a good set of china was something young women in our culture back in the 1960s did before they got married; or china was often received as a wedding gift. I had started my good set before we left for Congo and had six cups and saucers and bread and butter plates (above). I did not take them along to Congo. When we returned to Canada, I was disappointed that this set was discontinued and I was not able to purchase the dinner plates or the dessert bowls.
The women's group at Kitchener MB church (in Ontario), where our family worshipped when we returned to Canada, wanted to do something special for us and gave us money for a set of dishes. I chose Corelle again but a different pattern than our stolen wedding dishes. This set has lasted us for many years.
Hardy and his brother bought the above set of German china as a gift to their parents on their 25th anniversary. Hardy's brother passed away in his early forties, so we inherited these dishes when Hardy's parents died.
Interestingly enough, my Dad, quite the romantic, loved pretty dishes. There was a store within walking distance of their house that specialized in things Dutch. Dad bought the above tea set for my Mom and I inherited it from her.
One day when my parents came to Ontario for a visit Dad asked me to choose a set of dishes. He wanted it to be a good set. I told him we didn't need any more dishes but he insisted. We walked to the mall near our house and I chose a set of French glassware that we use all the time. It always reminds me of Dad and puts a smile on my face!
When I took stock of all the dishes I owned I was amazed! I guess I inherited my Dad's penchant for them. We do love to host and our dishes have served a good purpose. I hope they will continue to do so long after we are gone. I recently asked our three daughters to choose any of the dishes they would like to inherit and I hope some will stay in the family as a reminder of the good times we had together around our table.
I pray that the dishes that disappeared mysteriously so many years ago have been of good use to someone in need!
HAPPY NOVEMBER EVERYONE !
What a neat column, Elfrieda, about dishes! And the story of the mysterious disappearance. Were you ever tempted to suspect your helper Simon?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Dora. It didn’t occur to me to suspect Simon at the time, as I never thought he would do anything like that, he was such a loyal and faithful friend and helper. Later on, we noticed that he was pressured by some of his relatives, and he may have had to give in. His life was threatened by their curses at one time.
DeleteI was thinking of the same thing. It was so easy to put blame on our workers. Thanks for another enjoyable blog! A reminder to me again how much we have (and easily replaced) in comparison to
Deleteour Congolese friends.
You're welcome! There is a lot of suffering in this world and yet in Congo I always observed how people could be happy and content even when they owned so little. Perhaps more so than those who own too much!
DeleteWhat a concept! It is worse having and not sharing, than taking from someone who has too much. We could all learn from that!! Thank you for that great lesson!
ReplyDeleteMarge, the lessons I learned by immersing myself in another culture are amazing, and I’m grateful as they have enriched me beyond measure!
ReplyDeleteThanks Elfrieda for this blog. Is our First Nations culture similar to that in the Congo? I am grateful for stories like yours. My neighbors are helping me understand what the Bible is trying to teach.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda, I’m happy you’re joining the conversation! In some ways the First Nations culture (from what I’ve read and heard so far) does resemble that of the Congolese more than it does ours. Generosity, hospitality, identification with nature and with the ancestors I see as common traits, as well as a matriarchal rather than a patriarchal culture. But II’m not an expert on either!
DeleteDid Simon have a daughter—Marcelline? Marcelline Mbukapindu is a friend of mine. She went to ITMKajiji, I got to know her in Kikwit in 1981. She now lives in Pennsylvania.
ReplyDeleteLinda Tshimika is the above anonymous!
DeleteI don’t recall that Simon had a daughter called Marceline. I may be wrong about that.
DeleteThe value of dishes vacillates from generation to generation. I remember my mother wanting me to pick out a pattern of good china for our wedding present. We preferred to purchase inexpensive stoneware and then collect one piece at a time when the local grocery store featured them as bonuses when you bought a certain amount of groceries. Later, my mother found a good set of china second hand and bought it for us. She loved dishes, and during her adult years, dishes increased in value. She was terribly disappointed when the market for Ironware, which she collected, crashed, and her entire set sold for something like $50.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your life experience, Shirley. Every generation has its own set of values and it’s interesting to see how the next generation begins a new tradition. When I was a teen/young adult, I always told myself that I wouldn’t be like the “old people” when I got to be that age, telling the young ones that “things are not like they used to be” with a negative tone in their voices. I catch myself whenever I incline toward that kind of thinking or commenting!
DeleteThis blog reminded me of the show Northern Exposure. Set in Alaska, the protagonist learned about the First Nations tradition of bringing things to someone when they arrive in Alaska and taking things when they leave. No discussion of what or when or how. Things just come and go. To those of us who treasure our things, the idea may be shocking, but upon reflection, it makes a lot of sense. Very community oriented. I also had Corelle dishes when I married in 1967. One place setting remains, and it looks brand new.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining the conversation, Carol. First Nations has many similarities to Congolese culture (see anonymous comment above) and we have much to learn from them!
DeleteI have never read a ghostly Congolese story before; now thanks to you, I have. I understand the idea that sharing is not considered theft, even though it's done in stealthy way.
ReplyDeleteIn the 1960s all girls that I knew of, especially Mennonite, got wedding gifts of china (and crystal), usually from their parents. I use my set to this day, and purchased sets for my daughter and daughter in law when they married. These girls rarely use their dishes, preferring less ornate styles, even though they picked out the pattern when they were engaged. I inherited lots of pretty serving dishes from my mother and grandmother. They sit in my china closet because I believe they contain lead. Happy November, Elfrieda!
Marian, I have more ghostly Congolese stories. Sharing was not always done in stealthy ways, we were quite often told that we had too much stuff. When our househelper set our table, he often named his own children as he placed dishes on the table, reminding us that we should not forget them. It was hard not to feel guilty that we could never share enough!
ReplyDeleteYour entries always give me much to consider. I really appreciate the idea that taking from.someone who has more than they need is not stealing.
ReplyDeleteLiving in another culture for some time does teach one to look at things in a new way. I was so enriched (as well as frustrated and annoyed at times!) by seeing the world through another lens!
DeleteFrom Ruth, via email
ReplyDeleteYes Elfrieda we can learn so much from other cultures as we did when were immersed in the aboriginal culture living in northern Manitoba. If one is open to that it can truly give you many enriching experiences.
I too collected a dish set “MEMORY LANE” which Arlene has inherited and cherishes although rarely uses.
Thankyou for another interesting blog❤️
Thanks, Ruth. You gave your set of dishes away early! Maybe they’ll return in popularity at some point again. The design is the Blue “Forget Me Nots”, I think. It’s a lovely set!
DeleteWhen we were in Zambia for three years, we were often reminded, just by paying attention, how much we had - as MCC volunteers - that our Zambian colleagues - with Master's Degrees - did not have. We shared as much as we could, always understanding that the difference had little to do with us and far more to do with historical context.
ReplyDeleteThanks for that insightful comment! We as colonialists have been the oppressors! The MCC volunteers we met in Congo were an example to us of simple living and sharing with the local people.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elfrieda
ReplyDeleteYour Blog entries always offer up food for thought. (Just realized this could be a pun;-) This one had me thinking back to my mom and my Oma's special dinner sets. That brought me to wondering why these dishes were so cherished but saw such little use. (At least, in my family's case) Now, I'm mulling over the whole psychology behind possessing special items to be brought out to only share with special people. I'd like to find research done on the history of collecting decorative place settings as opposed to just having every day dishes. You see beautiful crystal and earthenware pottery in museums everywhere so it's not something new. Why do humans (and maybe crows;-) have the desire to collect beautiful objects? I've been pondering over the many possibilities.
I always look forward to your blog.
Robbie
Thanks for joining the conversation, Robbie! You ask an interesting question and it’s got me thinking as well! It may be a basic human instinct. It helps us to learn about history when we see objects that are no longer in use, especially if they are organized and labeled like in a museum. Some collectors do it just for the sake of collecting, others carefully label and display items.
ReplyDeleteThe whole idea of collecting beautiful objects must speak to our inner psyche. Does it offer a sense of permanence, status, esoteric pleasure? Now I am wondering about my own collections and why I hang onto things when they could be better used by others.
ReplyDeleteRobbie
I think it begins when we have more than we need. Some people also hoard and that’s a psychological condition.
ReplyDeleteDid you expect so many comments from your story about dishes?? Love it! A couple of years ago I used my Christmas money to buy myself a new set of dishes. I never liked the Correl set I and my husband got for our wedding 25 years before. I hesitated for 20 some years to buy something I would like, knowing that it wasnt a necessity. But I am happy I did it. I appreciate their beauty every day I use them.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised at how many people commented! I wonder which Corelle pattern you bought.
ReplyDelete