Growing up in a Mennonite village in the Paraguayan Chaco I had little exposure to the outside world. There were no stores and the only time we experienced a small window into that other world was when MCC sent Christmas packages (in which even the toothbrushes, toothpaste and soap were exotic items to be marveled at) or when our Oma sent us parcels from Canada.
My world expanded shortly after I turned nine. That year our family travelled to AsunciĆ³n
(the capital city) to wait for our visas so we could join my Mother's relatives in Canada. Our family of eight (soon to be nine) spent several months in an MCC house there with a number of other families. I remember going on excursions with my Dad, especially to the markets. I saw a beautiful doll the size of a baby, and more than anything, I wanted that doll for myself. I begged and pleaded, but my Dad sadly shook his head, telling me we could not afford such luxuries because we had "Reiseschuld" (travel debt). I heard that word many times and I hated it !
When we finally received our visas and were on an airplane going to Rio de Janeiro, we had another experience that broadened our horizons. The stewardess passed out a delicious treat in a little decorative cardboard container wrapped in silver paper. When you unwrapped it and smelled it, it was as if heaven was at your door! The chocolate was divine! Then there were little packages with small white-coated squares of different flavors, which we could chew but shouldn't swallow our Dad told us. They were called Chiclets. We were amazed!
Behind me sat a girl about my age and she had a doll on her lap similar to the one I had seen at the market. She was travelling by herself and the stewardess was solicitous toward her. They spoke Spanish with each other, a language I did not understand. I wished I could ask the girl to be my friend, maybe then she would let me hold or even play with her doll for a bit. I had no words, so I just got up from my seat and went to her. Tentatively I reached out and touched the beautiful doll. The girl jerked her doll away from me and rang for the stewardess. I could not understand the words but they certainly sounded angry and accusatory and I went back to my seat, hurt and ashamed.
When the stewardess returned with treats for everyone, she deliberately passed me by and I got nothing. That was my punishment.
I was reminded of this rather traumatic event in my own life by a recent article in the Winnipeg Free Press (July 7, 2020). The article was about a white woman in New York's Central Park who had let her dog roam unleashed in a secluded bird-watching section of the park. This was against the rules. When she was reminded by "an African-American man" to keep her dog on a leash, she became belligerent and wouldn't comply.
The man began to record the incident on his phone; that is when she called 911, claiming that an African-American man was threatening her and her dog.Not so many years ago, this black man, calmly insisting a white woman should obey the law, would have been lynched for even daring to approach her in this way. Most likely he would have also been accused of molesting her.
However, the woman was charged under an existing false-report law which doesn't reference race. "It also inspired New York state lawmakers to pass a law that makes it easier under civil-rights law to sue an individual who calls a police officer on someone 'without reason' because of their background, including race and national origin."
The woman apologized after being charged and fired from her job.
When I read the article, I knew exactly how Christian Cooper, the man in New York City's Central Park, must have felt, and I was happy for the woman's apology (probably given under duress), saying she had "reacted emotionally and made false assumptions about Cooper's intentions."
I never received an apology.
Racism exists at all levels by the people who are in power and it is hurtful!
This story touches my heart, Elfrieda. The desires of children reach me especially as a grandmother. You had the outward privilege of a white skin and fair features, but you had the inner experience of poverty combined with not knowing the dominant language. You definitely experienced being punished for being an outsider.
ReplyDeleteIs that racism? I'm not sure I understand. Would love to hear more.
Thanks, Shirley. The problem was the language barrier, but there was also a definite attitude problem on both the other girls’ and the stewardesses part. I can imagine a whole different scenario had the attitude been different. Perhaps it was fear on the little girl’s part, fear that I wanted to take something from her, that I was invading her space. Thanks for prodding me on this one, Shirley!
DeleteWell said, Elfrieda.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kathy!
ReplyDeleteI’ve never heard that story, Elfrieda! How awful for you! I don’t think it would be a case of racism so much as a case of “privilege” on their part. Sometimes the 2 go hand in hand but not always. The little girl as well as the stewardess came from privilege and you came from poverty. They spoke the same language. You didn’t. It made you an easy target and made them feel they had the right to belittle you and treat you as if you were stupid. They didn’t have the right to do either but their privilege made it feel like they did. It can be a very slippery slope and, in my opinion, we have to be vigilant on a daily basis not to slide down that slope.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Marge, for that very excellent clarification. You have verbalized exactly what I was trying to communicate. Discrimination is perhaps a better word here than racism. Webster defines discrimination as “to make a difference in treatment or favor on a basis other than individual merit—in favor of your friends>against a certain nationality.’”
DeleteThis story touched me too, especially since our country is grappling with the messiness of trying to build bridges instead of walls. This incident also reminded me of the uniqueness--and the universality--of your story. It deserves a place somewhere in your memoir, along with the relationship you had with your father, who has had a major role in empowering you to be bold.
ReplyDeleteI see courage, not fear, in the faces of the doll faces you chose to post. Thank you for all this, Elfrieda.
Thanks, Marian. “The messiness of building bridges instead of walls” really strikes at the core of what is going on everywhere, but especially where you are, our neighbour country. But there is hope in all of this even though it is so heartbreaking! You’re right, the dolls’ faces do look hopeful and courageous!
ReplyDeleteI have never heard this story from you before Elfrieda. What a devastating experience for youš I would understand how the little girl might have thought you wanted to possibly take the doll from her and with no similar language to communicate in may have misunderstood your intentions! It is the airline hostess who should have dealt with the situation in a better way.
ReplyDeleteShe could have been a role model in this situation....instead she chose the "punishment" route. Lack of compassion for sure! An experience you will never forget.If only we as adults saw things through the eyes of children...they could teach us so much!!
As adults we often don’t realize that life can be very hard for children at times because adults don’t treat them with respect and kindness. It could have been a teaching moment for this airline hostess! Thanks for your comment, Ruth.
ReplyDelete