This year I face another significant milestone. My life partner is going to be 80 in September. As the autumn months approach, so does the autumn of his life. He has had a few health issues after age 77, but they are manageable. Just recently I heard a CBC announcer who was interviewing an elderly person declare: "Life begins at 80!"
I thought, "really? Is that even being realistic? Isn't it pain and sorrow that begin at 80?"
Actually, when pondering this thought, I realized that pain and sorrow are with us from the day we are born. We arrive ... helpless, naked and vulnerable. We can do nothing for ourselves and we are totally dependent on those around us. If we have loving nurturers, we grow and blossom, and we forget how vulnerable we really are. As teenagers, our changing bodies make us feel uncertain and scared. We are thrust into life -- life that calls for independent thinking and decision-making, where we choose the direction to take (or we just sort of drift along!).
In between youth and old age lies the 'filling of the sandwich': the time we raise our children, find fulfillment in our careers, work hard at living. We somehow feel this phase will last forever ... but suddenly it stops. Dependents leave the nest, parents pass away, loved ones leave us. Now what?
Robert Browning (1812-1889), in his long poem about life and aging (Rabbi Ben Ezra, 35+ stanzas), expresses it much more succinctly than I can:
"The last of life for which the first was made."
As I read these words by Browning, I'm gazing at a beautiful picture of a woman featured in the Winnipeg Free Press (of Friday, August 25) who is 111 years old. Sarah Harper is listed as the third oldest person in Canada on Wikipedia's list of Canadian super-centenarians. (Gerald Kuehl wrote her story in Portraits of the North, 2005.) In the Free Press article he is quoted as saying:
"I remember what stood out was the quiet elegance of this woman with the dark intelligent eyes. She has much wisdom from now over 110 years of experience and reflection. She was raised in the traditional lifestyle of her people and did not attend residential school. She lived through very tough times with her people, a period when, as she said, 'it was always difficult getting enough to eat.'"
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life for which the first was made:
Our times are in [God's] hand
Who saith, "A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God:
See all, nor be afraid!"
You mention that Hardy, soon 80, is in the autumn of his life. I notice you didn't say winter, a hopeful sign. :-)
ReplyDeleteBrowning is right, I think, about the optimism accompanying old age. But I've seen a steady drop in energy levels the last few years that makes me wonder about my strength as I too approach eighty. At the moment, I have May Sarton's Coming into Eighty on hold at the library. May had lots of ailments, so she may not agree with Browning.
I heartily agree with his assertion that Our times are in God's Hand and I must [continue to] trust Him. Brava, Elfrieda!
Yes, Marian, we are going into autumn, a season that I love! winter is on the horizon, and it is good to prepare for it!
ReplyDeleteEach stage in our life is significant....I like the comment that "if have loving nurturers we blossom and grow". I think these nurturers are necessary throughout our lives and I for one am grateful and continue to be for all the "nurturing" I receive every day😍
ReplyDeleteThose nurturers in the early years are so important and set the stage for the rest of our lives, don't they? I too am grateful for family and friends.
DeleteGreat post Elfrieda! And happy birthday blessings to Hardy :-)
ReplyDeleteMary D
Thank you, Mary. I passed your blessings on to Hardy!
DeleteAs I approach 70, it is impossible not to think about how much time I may have left. While I want to prepare for the end, I try to focus more on the time before then. How do I want to spend these precious years? How can I make the most of it? What will have the most value to me and others? Much depends, as you are seeing, Elfrieda, on health. I wish you and your husband many more happy and healthy years.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Carol! "One day at a time...!" That is what I am learning.
DeleteWhat a beautiful post, Elfrieda! Please wish Hardy our Happy Birthday blessings. I've had many of the same thoughts sharing life experiences with my dear mother and most recently losing my Uncle who was just short of 89 years. This year I've learned to treasure each day, finding the blessings that we too often take for granted. Love to all of you. Kathy
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathy, and I will pass on your blessings to Hardy. Give your mom a big hug and tell her it is from us! So sorry about your uncle, we read it in the Free Press obits. Treasuring each day is the way to go!
ReplyDeleteI love this post, Elfrieda. As you know, i just turned 60. I am just entering those years of empty nesting and am becoming more aware every day how life and health are such precious commodities. I am so grateful for my nurturers as well, one of them being you. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marge, little sister, you are still young! The years after 60 are good years, I am enjoying them. You are the one who told me "it's just a number".
ReplyDeleteJust want to tell you how much I enjoy your blogs....of everyday things, happenings and relationships! Congratulations to Hardy on turning 80! How many years has it been since we were young and beginning our families?? Grace
ReplyDeleteThank you, Grace...so many years since we were neighbours at Elkhart seminary, just beginning our married lives and looking for direction for our future...yet it just seems such a short time ago when we remember! So good to hear from you.
DeleteElfrieda and Hardy, do you know the Judith Viorst series of books about turning 60,70,80, etc? Here's a video intro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0HkAPf3tKg Happy birthday and many more!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shirley. Had not heard of that series. Looks interesting.
ReplyDelete